Mountainfolk and City Dwellers

A friend of mine is on a mission to educate her German neighbors on how to be polite. In her opinion this means saying hello or in some other way acknowledging each other when they pass on the street. She argues that the tendency to ignore people--avoiding eye contact with strangers, heads down on the tram, phones constantly handy-- indicates a larger societal problem than just unfriendliness. It suggests we are uncomfortable interacting with the world, and this has dangerous implications for our whole psycho-physical beings, social creatures that we are.

I have to admit that I am often guilty of averting my eyes from strangers I pass on the sidewalk, but I think maybe it has more to do with the context than with the deep-seated problems of humanity (although I don't deny those exist). I recently spent some time on the other side of Switzerland in a small village called Werdenberg for a concert Juna was playing. While he rehearsed, I hiked through the picturesque, farm-dotted hills, snapping pictures and enjoying the animals. I feel like I made more of an effort to smile at everyone, but it wasn't just me. The smiles and Grüezi's were met by every single person I passed including a sweaty running lady (those hills are intense!), a wild looking white-bearded mountain man who whistled a nice tune, and a muscle man working on antique cars. Friendly acknowledgement was the norm.

The signs for the hiking trails were pretty clear, but I still ended up wandering right up into what was clearly someone's private property and a sheep dog started barking at me pretty aggressively. Even more awkward was that as I got closer I noticed a little old lady was calmly standing in her barn watching me approach. In German I asked her if this was the Wanderweg, fully expecting her to not understand me, given the rural location and thick dialect of the region. But she didn't blink an eye. Didn't even tell me I couldn't barge through what was basically her backyard if I wanted to, just kindly directed me back to the public trail, saying that was probably better for someone who didn't know their way.














Contrast that experience with my interactions around Basel. Yesterday, I tried to return a (way overpriced) shirt I bought a week or so ago because it didn't fit. I'd lost the receipt and knew my chances weren't good, but I had never worn the shirt and all the tags were intact. My German was perfectly understood by the sales associate, who went to fetch her manager. But when the manager walked up and I said hello, assuming the sales associate had told her what was going on, she just said "Ja?" So I explained myself again. Her reply: "Ich brauche eine Quittung" (I need a receipt). I inquired about several possibilities--could I exchange it for something else? could I merely exchange it for a different size, not even for a different item? Again, only "Ich brauche eine Quittung," with increasing condescension when finally she turned to the sales associate and asked her to tell me in English. I found this insulting. I know this behavior is certainly not something specific to Swiss retail managers (assholes are all over the world), but the language was just one more thing she could use to make me feel small. If she had just treated me like a human, just said "I'm really sorry, but we need a receipt for our paperwork. I wish I could help," I wouldn't have felt so bitter about it.

Then there are the numerous times I've been literally crashed into by people in grocery stores or (natürlich) in the train station who refuse to acknowledge that other humans exist and take up a certain amount of three-dimensional space. Sorry or entschuldigung is never uttered. I've learned the only way to get around is to be as clear as possible about where I'm walking so others have the best chance to get out of my way. Otherwise, I'm darting and dashing around everywhere because people WILL trample you. It's like driving around D.C. If you don't keep up with the reckless drivers, it's actually more dangerous. In this situation, there isn't actually time to say hello--you'd be jerking your neck around like a lawn sprinkler--but I wouldn't want to anyway.

One thing I do find really endearing and somewhat ironic about Swiss culture is that, on the train, (after rudely cutting you off on the escalators and train platforms), people will always ask you if the seat next to you or across from you is free if you were there first. I am so used to this politeness that now, if someone takes the seat next to me, which I have no ownership whatsoever over, and they don't ask first, I silently seethe a little bit about it.

I don't know what my friend would say, but in my opinion, to sum up these experiences is just to note the differences between city and village living. Maybe cities do breed isolation, and urban people need a reeducation in manners. Or maybe keeping to oneself in the crowd is a technique to survive this pace of life, and it's not for everyone (it is certainly overwhelming for me at times). But it does make those moments when you break through the ice more special, like on public transportation when an unaware teenager bangs her purse into an old lady's head, the lady rolls her eyes and smiles at you knowingly, and says "Adieu" when she leaves the tram.